


What Kurama Learned From Naruto's Haircut

by Katie_Madison



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Everyone loves Naruto, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gaara Deserves Wholesomeness, Hokage Uzumaki Naruto, Lee is so Wholesome, M/M, Naruto Loves An Impossible Man, Naruto Ships LeeGaa, Naruto is Beautiful, Not Epilogue Compliant, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sasuke Particularly Loves Naruto, Sasuke is Tsun, Shikamaru Ships NaruSasu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2019-08-01 06:13:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16279310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katie_Madison/pseuds/Katie_Madison
Summary: Naruto gets a serious new haircut to match his serious new role as Hokage, and everyone has an opinion.Well, everyone has just ONE opinion: the haircut is objectively awful.Except for Sasuke... He seems to be having... An interesting reaction to Naruto's new look to say the least.-... And that makes Kurama suspicious.





	1. Prologue: The Meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marvelstark39](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelstark39/gifts).



> To my most loveliest of friends; who has bared with me throughout my tumultuous life. Thank you for letting me read Plato to you on the bedroom floor on the eve of your housewarming; and tell your dad that I'm sorry for not doing a business degree. Happy Birthday and Congratulations on your new job! ☆ Hope that this story brings laughter; and healing energy (to distract from the awful Naruto ending)! 
> 
> Please enjoy : )

Gaara walked up to the front gates of Konohagakure in his full Kazekage regalia; his entourage at full attention beside him.

However, despite their serious and formal appearance, they were all in high spirits; sharing meaningful and excited looks with each other on this auspicious occasion.

After all, today's meeting marked the first diplomatic venture between Konoha and Suna since Naruto's ascension into being Hokage; and everyone was certain that their already good relationship under Kakashi's leadership would become even better. 

"Ah, Gaara! Look over there! How _unexpected;_ is that Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast?!" Kankuro suddenly stage-whispered, nudging Gaara's side. He had meant it jokingly, but Gaara's head whipped around lightning fast; his teal eyes widening, and a shy smile blooming across his face. There was no joking around when it came to Gaara's secret feelings for the man that came sprinting up the walkway.

"Gaara-kun! I am so excited to see you!" called Rock Lee, hurriedly crossing the last few meters and flinging his arms around their Kazekage, "It's been so long!"

Kankuro and Temari both raised their eyebrows at Lee's loud voice and casual physical contact; but secretly, the two of them couldn't be any happier when the tall man scooped their blushing little brother into his muscular arms - smiling wide as he spun the two of them around together. 

"And here comes Thing Two..." Temari muttered under her breathe as Naruto Uzumaki approached their group; waving his hands like an excited kid, and wearing a warm smile.

(He was also wearing his fresh white and red Hokage robes; which suited him very well. Temari blushed, Kankuro said 'Damn,' under his breathe, and Gaara thought of an honest, wholesome compliment to pay him because he was an honest, wholesome man.)

"It's Gaara-kun!" Lee announced, gently lowering the Kazekage to the ground; only for him to be enveloped in Naruto's warm embrace.

Nuzzling into Gaara's bright red hair, Naruto smiled, "I've missed you; you need to come more often!" he insisted.

Lee nodded his head furiously in agreement, " _I've_ missed you too, Gaara-kun...You always bring much youthful joy when you visit!"

Gaara stuttered back a small 'thank you,' shyly belaying just how happy he was to be acknowledged so openly by his favorite people. Could this really be his life?

It was all so unbearably cute that Temari choked on her spit, and Kankuro had to purposefully pinch himself so that he wouldn't make any ridiculous squealing sounds.

* * *

Then, Lee grabbed Gaara's hand and led the Sunagakure procession into the village; as Naruto pulled back a little. He had told Lee earlier that there were a few things that he needed to settle before the meeting; so Lee had volunteered to show everyone ( ~~particularly Gaara~~ ) to their accommodations first.

On his own, Naruto ran a few hundred meters further into the forest; his blue eyes sparkling in excitement in the afternoon sun, peeking out from under his wild, long, sunshine hair.

He was already thrilled about Gaara's arrival; and now he couldn't stop smiling when he thought about how his already fantastic day was going to get even _better_ with who he was going to meet next...

He started sprinting.

* * *

When Naruto finally arrived at the designated clearing with the absolute brightest grin on his face, he looked so charming that Shikamaru had to avert his eyes to avoid being drawn into his unwavering charisma. (He was happily married to Temari afterall; but Naruto just had that kind of affect on people. Temari herself could attest to that.)

As he was looking away, he suddenly caught the expression of his partner for this mission: Sasuke Uchiha. His eyebrows were pulled low, a scowl marred his handsome face, and a subtle flush _just_ crept up the side of his neck.

Shikamaru smirked.

(He wasn't joking when he said that literally  _everyone_  was affected by Naruto; but he had his suspicions that Naruto's affect on Sasuke was of a... slightly different nature.)

"Don't you have our mission scroll to hand in?" Shikamaru asked in a playful voice, shaking Sasuke out of his stupor. 

The man in question bristled, and shoved his hands in his pockets to find the scroll, "Yes, I do. But I still don't understand why you couldn't just hand in this mission scroll yourself, since _you_ are the ninja that is finishing his portion of the mission today?... Or why _I_ had to leave my station to come here and deliver it with you?"

Shikamaru shrugged, but the smirk never left his face, "Sorry... But don't you think it's nice to come back home every once in a while? Besides, it wasn't all that important of a mission..."

Sasuke just scowled, "Tch! I would have been back here in a few weeks... And nothing ever changes anyways; so why do I need to be here all the damn time?"

Naruto shrugged too, scratching absently at the back of his head, "It's not that you _need_ to be here, but I want you-,  I mean,  _everyone_ wants you with me. I mean, with them... in Konoha..." he said; sparkling, earnest blue eyes never looking away from Sasuke's face.

As the man in question sputtered and flushed some more, Naruto kept smiling. However, after a quick kick to the shin, he stopped; and acquiesed.

"Ahh... But I guess you're right; things are pretty stable these days, huh?"

* * *

_Oh, but how wrong they were._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that everyone who read the first chapter of this gift story found a little something to like! I am excited to quickly write the rest of this fluffy, sweet piece. Please leave me your kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks - and especially your thoughts!
> 
> Take Care ♡!


	2. Yellow Cactus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> お誕生日おめでとう　リー君！Happy Birthday to Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast! Have a fantastic day full of youthful celebration with your beloved friends, family and of course, Gaara-kun~ 
> 
> And I hope that all of you lovely people can enjoy this chapter for its youthful content (☆∀☆) especially @marvelstark39, (because this is not at all the content you asked for, but the content you should have come to expect at this point).

“And this is your suite, Gaara-kun!” Lee exclaimed, unlocking the door before him and gesturing inside with a fluid flourish.

Gaara nodded, but was also a little confused. He knew this room quite well, after all; having stayed in it during his other diplomatic visits meeting with Kakashi, when the older man had been Hokage.

So even before he entered the room behind Lee, Gaara knew that the room would be painted in nice, calming – rather generic – colours, and be similarly furnished…

Or he  _thought_  he knew?

He stopped abruptly in his tracks as Lee came to the center of the room and spread his arms, “Do you like it?” he asked.

Gaara felt his eyes widen as he took in the familiarly _un_ familiar room before him. The walls were still painted in nice, calming – rather generic – colours, and it was still furnished as he remembered… But that was no longer how Gaara would be inclined to describe the room at all. There were much more significant features defining it; and they were breathtaking.

Dark green ivy vines curled across the window and balcony, providing intricate shifting patterns on the carpeting; and various bright flowers accented the nightstands, dressers, and desk.

They were so lovely that Gaara was compelled to reach out and touch the bright pink petals of the flower closest to him. He had always enjoyed cultivating cacti in his own garden, and appreciated the beauty and resilience in all plants and flowers; even if he wasn't familiar with Konoha's local flora.

“I  _really_  like it…” he answered softly, facing Lee’s smiling face with a rare smile of his own, “Did you… re-decorate my room yourself?”

Lee suddenly blushed, and looked at the floor, restlessly wiggling his toes in his sandals. He was such a large and muscular man, that the gesture should have looked ridiculous, but Gaara could only feel fondness in his heart.

Especially since being with Lee made him feel embarrassed so often; maybe it was even a little refreshing to be able to see the other man feel a little shy.

Maybe even cute?

“I did the best I could!” Lee finally managed to blurt out, “But… I did need some help from Ino-san… I mean, I knew what some of the flowers meant, but she helped me pick the right colours! And… I didn't know much about succulents, so she helped me pick some that were appropriate for a bedroom!”

Raising a trembling finger, Lee pointed over to the bed.

Gaara's teal eyes followed his indication, and he saw a row of various cacti; ones that the Kazekage was very familiar with. He felt his eyelids lower and a calmness wash over his body as he took in their quietly elegant presence;

Ino must have had a detailed eye for desert flora, Gaara realized, noting that the kinds before him were perfectly suited for the reduced light and scarce winds of indoor environments.

But more than that…; Lee must have traveled very far to procure these rare and beautiful beings.

“You’ve both done a good job; these are all very appropriate for indoors,” Gaara said, moving over to the bed; selecting a bright yellow potted cactus and holding it up to the light, “This one in particular is a favourite of mine…”

Lee’s dark eyes glittered in excitement, and he moved closer too. He reached out one bandaged hand and delicately stroked the cactus’s petal.

“Why do you like this one in particular, Gaara-kun?” Lee asked, “I mean it is very beautiful, but you seem like the type of person who likes things beyond just their aesthetic value.”

Lee looked up at him from under his bangs and smiled brightly, and Gaara could feel his face begin to flush in heat.

Holy hell.  ~~Was he some kind of maiden, or a battle-hardened shinobi?~~

The Kazekage cleared his throat and shifted his stance, “You’re right… I like it because of what it means, mostly. Certain communities believe that it represents warmth, endurance and… maternal protection; especially since its extracts have potent healing properties.”

Lee pulled back a little and placed his hand under his chin, clearly thinking hard.

Gaara took the lapse in his attention to replace the plant back on the headboard,  ~~and futilely try to calm down.~~

Then, he heard fingers snap.

Turning around, he saw Lee positively beaming, “Ahhh!” he cried, “So it’s a little bit like you then! Warm to everyone around you, capable of weathering tough circumstances and coming out stronger because of it, and devoted to protecting Sunagakure; all while conducting yourself in a manner that is both elegant and beautiful!”

Gaara was stunned into silence; and briefly wondered if he had died, gone to heaven, and just never realized it.

Ever since the community in question had first educated him about the role of this flower in their symbology, he had admired it. It had reminded him of the resilience of his own mother; always watching over him even after she had passed away, remaining the source of his power and protection because of the pure depth of her convictions.

And Lee thought that this flower was like... him?

“I-, I don’t-” Gaara tried, but his attempts at explaining himself were easily brushed aside as Lee placed a large warm hand on his shoulder, and wore an uncharacteristically delicate expression; smiling but without laughter.

“I know, I know! Gaara-kun isn’t the sort of narcissistic person who would like something because it reminded him of himself… I’m sure that you have another thoughtful reason for why you like it,” he said, “But it’s just… I couldn’t help but think of  _you_ when you said those characteristics, and you know, I hope you aren’t offended but I’ve always-”

 _"-EVERYONE! NARUTO-SAMA HAS RETURNED!"_  called one of his aides from down the hall, inciting a wave of commotion as people started calling for their associates to bring them various documents and review certain talking points.

Gaara felt his heart pound even harder as Lee flinched at the interruption and sighed. He raked his hands nervously through his hair.

“Sorry!” Lee said, “I didn’t mean to ramble and make you uncomfortable...”

Gaara shook his head, “Never… Soon, please… We can continue speaking…”

The redhead mentally screamed.

_Since when did words get so hard to put into sentences?_

But Lee nodded like he understood anyways. Then, he grasped Gaara’s hand and eagerly led him to the conference room, gently smiling back at him all the while, excitedly talking about changes in Konoha.

* * *

 Oh yeah. Gaara had  _definitely_  died and gone to heaven. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh. My heart is always filled with warmth whenever I get to write LeeGaaLee content. They both... are just such nice, soft people who have suffered so much :'( 
> 
> But don't worry, if you missed Sunshine!Hokage, and Tsun!Sas, they will most definitely be back~
> 
> Also, the yellow cactus symbolism is actually true for certain indigenous communities in the USA! I was really interested in 'the language of flowers' a few years ago, and I (like Gaara) am a huge succulent fan.
> 
> If you enjoyed, please consider leaving a kudos, bookmarking, or leaving your thoughts! ♡


	3. New Paces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that some of you all may be wondering just when the hell I'm going to start talking about Naruto's haircut because I'm moving things along so slowly. All I can say is, thank you for sticking with my self indulgence and it will be next chapter :) 
> 
> Also, I know you all (and marvelstark39) didn't sign up for some minor InoSaku, but my favorite kind of Sakura is the gay kind of Sakura... So here we are.
> 
> Please enjoy! ♡

In the conference room, Naruto and Gaara formally shook hands for about three seconds before Naruto broke out into a grin and slung an arm around the other man’s slim shoulders.

“Alright, let’s do this without acting like we all have giant sticks up our butts!” he cried, holding his palm out for a high-five; first to Gaara, and then the Sunagakure aid to his right. The woman in question felt herself start sweating in confused shock, until she saw the Kazekage give her a silent nod.

‘ _Believe it or not,’_ his look seemed to say, ‘ _On a day-to-day basis, this is how much completely non-violent, affectionate physical contact people in Konoha engage in. I know that it is a lot to take in, and you may feel the urge to run away and start launching shuriken, but do your best.’_

The aid swallowed hard and high-fived Naruto back to the best of her abilities; but the force of Naruto’s hand against hers nearly bowled her clean over.

Luckily, Gaara’s sand helpfully blocked her fall.

Nonetheless, Naruto helped her back onto her feet with a sheepish grin and an apology.

“Well,” he said in a considering tone, after gently pulling out a seat for her and giving her some water, “That’s an inappropriately-appropriate leeway into our topic of discussion.. Since, well, the reason for holding this meeting pertains to the fact that we need to make sure that Konoha and Suna ninja have a more holistic approach to the ninja arts!... As it currently stands, many Konoha ninja are blindsided by how to combat aerial or long-range attacks, and most Suna ninja struggle in close-combat situations!”

The aide kind of wanted to die. His description, after all, described her style of fighting perfectly as a specialist in earthquake techniques. (She’d make sure to hit the gym after this embarrassing meeting.)

Gaara nodded and gestured to a scroll on the table before them that detailed the differences between each of their village’s genin graduation requirements. "It appears that both of our educational institutions are insufficiently preparing its students. With a more holistic approach, as per Naruto-sama’s-”

“-Don’t call me Naruto-sama! What am I, an old-“

“-proposal, enemies are less likely to find holes in our defenses to exploit.”

Iruka sensei, who had been quietly conversing with the Sunagakure Academy Headmaster throughout the kage’s banter looked up thoughtfully, “We agree with you both… However, it seems like it would be a waste for Konoha’s few long-range specialists, and Suna’s few taijutsu specialists to pull themselves off the mission roster to become teachers…”

Lee nodded as he seated himself on Gaara’s right (after speedily zooming across the room and pulling out everyone else’s chairs before their eyes could catch his movements).

Here, Naruto smiled a giant smile; the kind that made his eyes close from how wide his lips stretched across his face, “And dare I say; we have a fantastic and  _youthful_ solution to that problem in deed… Isn’t that right, Gaara?”

Gaara spluttered and looked at Naruto with betrayed eyes, trying hard to hold back a blush on his damned fair skin, while Naruto just winked at him with all the subtlety of an avalanche.

The Kazekage put his rapidly reddening face in his hands and sighed long enough for Lee to run to the nurses’ ward in the hospital several kilometres away and fetch him a Tylenol because Lee was a  _wholesome, angelic man_  unlike these devils around him. (And the ones that formerly lived in him; because you can bet Shukaku, that ungrateful Tanuki, was also laughing at his crushthrough their lingering telepathic connection.)

The worst thing was that Gaara didn’t  _actually_ hate the fact that he was living in such an embarrassing romcom... Gaara’s life was better in every way since he had met the Konoha ninja, and changed for the better through their overwhelming niceness.

Ever since… he had met  _Lee_.

However, as Kankurou made a crude gesture in the background, Gaara couldn’t help but reminisce for the days when he used to be intimidating enough to inspire fear, instead of  inspiring people to laugh at his Lee-problems.

“Anyways; we’re basically swapping our best ninja in taijutsu and long-range attacks,” Naruto explained bluntly, “Temari and Lee are house-swapping!”

* * *

“How about,  _no…_ ” Sasuke said, glaring out the corner of his eye at Sakura; smirking at him as both Shizune and Tonton laughed (and oinked) in the corner.

The two (three?) ladies were on their way back from a mission to provide medical training to select chuunins of a village several hundred kilometres further North from him; and had  _oh so kindly_ decided to drop by the save house he was using during his mission to terrorize him and waste his time before they returned.

“Oh come on _,_ Sasuke,” Sakura said, green eyes glimmering with mischief, “You know you want to pull on Naruto’s gorgeous blond locks as you ride him until you can’t see straight… If you ever could really see  _straight_ that is …”

Sasuke felt a vein pulse in his forehead.

Ever since Sakura had decided that she was more attracted to beautiful girls named Ino than ‘emotionally stunted twinks,’ (Ino’s words) she had dropped both the ‘-kun’ honorific after his name, and any semblance of shame regarding talking to him about sex; specifically the sex she was absolutely  _certain_ that he wanted Naruto to give him…

“Those charming blue eyes looking down at you through his bangs, falling across his face in exertion as he thrusts into your body, pushing in and out-” Sakura mused aloud.

“I could care  _less_ about his stupid blond hair, and his even stupider blue eyes!” Sasuke cried, hoping that everyone thought that he was flushing from screaming in anger, instead of the _stupid_ feelings that Sakura’s _stupid_ words were  _putting in his stupid head._

Shizune held up her hands in appeasement, but her lips were still trembling; and the pig’s tail was still twitching side-to-side.

Sakura just rolled her eyes.

Why were bottoms always so tsundere and dramatic?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having such a blast establishing these character dynamics! This kind of light hearted characterization warms my heart and I feel like writing soft, happy, embarrassed romance for everyone ~ 
> 
> If you enjoyed, please consider leaving a comment, a kudos or a bookmark. They are much appreciated ♡


	4. Due Process

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy the lovable, fluffy mess that is this story. Finally, we get to talking about the haircut! LOL, about damn time right? And next chapter, Sasuke will finally come back home, lol. 
> 
> Hopefully this chapter makes you grin ~ Please enjoy!

After Naruto made the announcement, the conference room started buzzing with excited discussion. Some people had already been aware of the plan, but most of them had not; and were excited about it. Though Temari and Shikamaru’s marriage was already public knowledge, this ‘swap’ meant that they would need to work out issues of dual citizenship for both of them – and the kids that they would have! 

“I guess in the end,” said Iruka, laughing with the Suna principal by the window, “Even shinobi can’t escape globalization, huh?”

The other principal delightedly raised her arm and pulled back her sleeve. Across her wrist lay a smartwatch with all of her reminders of the day.

“I look forward to it! Can you imagine the future? I can draw a seal on this touch-screen, put a clone in it, and send it to my husband at home! Then he can activate it on his smartwatch whenever he wants to release it if he misses me!” she exclaimed.

Iruka laughed.

* * *

Gaara’s righthand aide in particular (who had been feeling out of her depths from her earlier failed high-five with the Hokage) was once again in her element in gathering the different papers that Temari and Lee would need to fill out before their 'swap' was made official.

Although she appreciated Naruto’s lighthearted description of the proposal; it would not actually be as simple as ‘swapping’ t-shirts. It would involve proper immigration and emigration processes that needed to carefully be looked over for appropriate contingency measures!

That… may have sounded boring to others, but this aide believed that the devil was in the details; and that the road to hell was often rooted in mismanagement and oversight. She was a good ninja, and understood secrecy well (in fact, her twin sister had dedicated her life to strengthening security-based seals) but she  _believed_ that it was viral to leave precise paperwork trails so that villages could have accountability.

To ensure that no one person would ever let power get to their head, and compromise morality.

Ever again, that is. 

“Kari-san is effective; and youthfully engaged in her work!” cried Lee, bowing before her as she collected his address and next-of-kin.

Kari bowed back in acknowledgement with an awkward smile. Speaking so… _flatteringly_ was not the cultural norm in Suna, and was often considered an attempt at overt manipulation; but Lee’s praise was so natural that she was inclined to believe it was genuine…

She straightened up from her bow and abruptly caught the Kazekage’s expression. This time, he was not looking at her with a meaningful look; instead he was observing Lee with the softest eyes she had ever seen. Their teal colour appeared deeper than ever before; glassy and bright like jewels against the soft pink flush of his cheeks.

He looked like he was in love; and it made Kari smile. Gaara had handpicked her for his right-hand man position (despite her being only fifteen) because of her passion for justice. In return for his faith in her, she worked hard to make Suna more equitable; especially after she had learned about his past.

She wished him never-ending happiness. More than anyone else, she felt he deserved it.

And it seemed like now that meant wishing for him and Lee to have a successful relationship.

So she wished.

“Maaaannn,” whispered one of the Konoha aides, startling her as he stepped in beside her, shaking his head, “Gaara-sama has it really bad for Lee-san, huh?”

“You shouldn’t spread rumours like that,” Kari replied instinctively, but she couldn’t deny that he was right… and she tellingly also couldn’t stop smiling.

Gaara-sama really was blushing a lot. Where had their supposedly unreadable Kazekage gone? ~~It was so cute.~~

Kari felt a squeal coming on so she started coughing to hide it. Her twin, Kani, was leaving around too many of those damn Icha Icha Yaoi books around, and they were polluting her subconscious. (Not that she had ever gone so far as to read them… but the covers were provocative enough!)

The Konoha aide, Hiro, grinned and put his hands in his pockets. “No rumours; the evidence is clear. Gaara-sama’s one of those super fair-skinned types, like Uchiha-san, so you can _totally_ see when he’s embarrassed, or… lovestruck… His hair’s really short now too, so it looks more obvious…”

Kari felt her soft smile freeze in place at the mention of Gaara’s hair. No matter how happy she might have been, just the mention of her beloved Kazekage’s new hairdo was enough to re-awaken the apathetic expression that Sunagakure citizens were known for.

“Actually,” Hiro, continued undeterred, “Why _did_ he cut his hair… Didn’t it look… better before?”

Kari walked away as the other aide kept squinting at Gaara.

She didn’t wish to hear anymore about Gaara-sama’s hair. She thought it was an enormous failure that she and everyone else in the Suna governance had allowed it to come into existence… to _sully_ the beautiful features of their most excellent Kazekage.

* * *

In another corner, Naruto was taking about how Kurama kept criticizing him for hanging around Sasuke instead of finding ‘a suitable girl to settle down with.’

“You know what Kurama said the other day? ‘Have some ‘kits.’ They’ll be cute. I can pass down whiskered cheeks if you want,’ which is A) totally narcissistic… But then also, hearing that made me think, like, ‘Wait. What do you mean _If I Want_? Does that mean… these whiskers were a deliberate aesthetic choice? And then, do you know what that giant butt said? He said 'Yeah, I put them on you, on a whim.’ _A whim!_ Can you believe? Apparently mom didn’t have ‘em!

Gaara smiled sympathetically, but couldn’t help but divulge into laughter as Naruto pouted. But in the end, Naruto ended up laughing too, so Gaara didn’t feel too bad.

Finally, the Hokage pushed his messy, long hair out of his face; from where it was jostled out of place from all of his knee-slapping, head-thrown-back guffawing.

“Oh, speaking of whims,” he continued, “I’ve been meaning to get, like… A more ‘serious’ Hokage look, and I think your haircut looks really cool and professional! Who cut it? Do you think they'd cut mine?”

Gaara hmmed in his throat, remembering when Temari approached him last month, with tears in her eyes during the first few weeks of her (supposedly secret) pregnancy; claiming that she felt a ‘maternal’ need to pamper him. She had given him a massage, which had been nice (Kankurou was jealous), and a haircut, which (judging by Kanakurou’s shrieks) had not been so nice.

Gaara wasn’t the sort of person to care about good or bad haircuts (although Temari insisted that Kankurou knew nothing about haircuts anyway, since he wore a cloak) but he respected Naruto’s personal desire to look more professional as Hokage, and was pleased that he wanted to emulate him.

Although there was no guarantee that Temari would agree, he would do his best to help Naruto.

“How about I inquire about having your haircut tonight? The person who cut my hair is with us right now,” he suggested.

Naruto nodded enthusiastically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! I had a lot of fun writing this; even the original characters! Normally I struggle with slotting them into the narrative smoothly, but this time they felt natural from start to finish. Hope you found them likable, or at the very least relatable?
> 
> If you enjoyed, please consider leaving a kudos, bookmark, subscription - and especially, a comment! Take care until next time! Love, K.M.


	5. Emergency!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I'm not really sure if it's worth mentioning but there's some sexual language here? It's all very soft though. 
> 
> Also, this chapter features me having way too much fun torturing both Sasuke, and everyone from Sunagakure who came to Konoha. Sorry guys, lolo.
> 
> Please enjoy!

Temari was a little embarrassed when Gaara approached her with Naruto’s request, and Kankurou’s face drained of what little colour it had, but despite his protests, soon the Sand Siblings and Naruto found themselves congregated in the washroom adjacent to the Hokage’s Office.

Naruto wore a white sheet around his plain clothes and was smiling encouragingly up at Temari; clutching a kunai in her hands.

“Whoa! You don’t even need to use scissors? That’s so cool,” Naruto said, running his fingers through his long blond locks, oblivious to Kankurou’s quiet sobs behing the shower curtains, “I’m ready to look like a serious man! Please, Temari!”

Kankurou couldn’t take it anymore; he ran out of the washroom and to the hotel where the Sand delegation was staying in.

“EMERGENCY, EMERENCY! ALPHA CODE RED ZERO THREE FOXTROT SILK!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, racing through the hallways. The sand ninja darted out of there rooms in various states of undress with shocked looks on their faces; hurriedly trying to interpret Kankurou’s distressed words with Sunagakure’s new ‘code word’ communication progrom.

“Gaara-sama has ordered Temari-san to dye Naruto-sama’s clothes red and then shred them with her wind jutsu before selling the scraps using secret illegal auction sites available exclusively through the web browser Mozilla Firefox?”

“Naruto-sama has decided that he wants Gaara-sama to be his partner for the international foxtrot dance competition held on the first floor of an old chemistry building that used to research alpha helix structures?”

“The world has re-ordered itself into an alpha-beta-omega style of gendered relations, and now all of the alphas are glowing bright red, and all of the omegas have fox-like whisker markings and are being forced to work in red light districts?”

“Lee-san proposed to Gaara-sama and now you’ve lost the ability to speak in coherent sentences from joy?”

Kankurou shook his head no, and made a mental note to mention to Temari to make their communication system just a tad more clear next time.

“I wish it were any and/or all of those predicaments, because they would be far better than what’s currently going on in the Hokage’s Office as we stand around here wasting time!”

“Then just say what’s going on in plain language! If it’s that serious, clarity takes precedence over secrecy, right?”

Kankurou took a deep breathe. He didn’t want to materialize his greatest fears into words; because he knew that once he had said them, they would become real. Too real.

“Temari’s… cutting Naruto’s hair,” he whispered in the quietest voice he could muster.

But it was enough. Everyone around him heard Kankurou’s words. Upon processing what he had said, people’s faces froze in place, the light leaving their eyes as their natural instinct tried to preserve the appearance of neutrality as befit high-level Sunagakure ninja, lest they begin screaming and foaming out the mouth. However, a few ninja who just could not _deal_ with the thought of yet another awful haircut on a pure and wonderful man, had passed out on the floor. One man was quietly whispering ‘no, no, no’ and pulling out his own hair in protest.

Kari quickly shook herself out of her frozen reverie, and jumped out of her hotel room window; sprinting to the Hokage’s office – hoping beyond hope that it wouldn’t be too late…

Alas, it was too late.

The young aide was forced to stand there with a gaping mouth as Naruto ran his hands through his newly cropped hairstyle, whistling a happy tune and talking about how it was nice to not have his bangs covering his forehead so his Konoha headband insignia would stand out more clearly when he wore it.

“Kari, right? Gaara’s new righthand diplomat, right? What do you think of my hair? It looks a little different than Gaara’s but we both look like real Kages now, right!”

The ecstatic man shot her a thumbs up and pulled her Kazekage in close by his shoulders, squishing their cheeks together.

Kari’s face, frozen as it was, did not move at all.

Temari felt her own face flush; knowing the telltale signs of horrified shock that caused Sunagakure citizens to adopt that apathetic blank expression, equivalent in severity to if a Konoha citizen were to begin screaming and crying to the lords in heaven.

“She thinks that it’s just _great_ ,” she lied smoothly, ushering the young woman out of the door, not bothering to ask what the hell she was doing there in the first place, “She’s just tired, I’m sure, and you know us Suna folks – always with the poker face, hahaha!”

* * *

Elsewhere, Sasuke was resting at a safe house after completing another part of his mission, having finally shooed Sakura, Shizune and Tonton away. He quickly locked the doors, and put up some genjutsu wards. before turning in for the night’s rest.

Fitful rest.

 _Incredibly_ fitful rest.

Could it even be called rest at all?

Sakura’s words just would not stop repeating themselves over and over and over again in his head, along with increasingly explicit images of the dobe ~~who had no right to be looking like that, and be looking at him like that, because Naruto was just an usuratonkachi for God’s sake~~ and he had managed to develop an erection that wouldn’t go away no matter how much he threatened it with ice cold showers for the next three weeks.

The clock ticked mockingly in the background, until Sasuke heard three load beeps, indicating that it was three in the morning, and that though he was still awake, he needed to be moving again in three hours.

Hoping beyond hope, he lifted up his covers and glanced down his body. Unfortunately, his erection continued to persist - in what had to be the longest erection in all of mankind.

Sasuke sighed and undid his pants, sliding his hands around his already weeping length and wondering if he could just perfunctorily masturbate and then finally fall asleep. His palms were dry and rough and dragged painfully against his cock, so he rolled his eyes and brought one of his hands up to his lips, languidly coating his fingers in saliva before lowering them once again.

That was a little better. He stroked himself for several minutes with no real feeling that he was getting closer to a climax. Perhaps this was _too_ perfunctory then.

Sasuke leaned back and closed his eyes, allowing his mind to wonder, and one of his hands to slip lower; stroking over his balls, brushing against his entrance - probing just a little more when he felt a bristle of electricity run through him at the touch.

He let out a gasp, and instinctively brought a hand up to clasp over his mouth, even though there was no one around for miles. He felt his face heat up, and his cock harden further, his legs trembling just a little.

It felt good.

Slowly, he opened his mouth and allowed his tongue to lick over his fingers some more, liking the feeling of having something pressed deep in his mouth, moving in tandem with the way he was fingering open his entrance, groaning low in the back of his throat.

“ _Sasuke, shhh, you should be quiet when we do this so late at night. I mean, I could flip you over and make you bite the pillow, but you look so hot when I’m fingering you like this; your face is so flushed and sexy, and your eyes are so soft and I want to keep looking... Ah-, what are you-, Ohhh. You want my fingers in your mouth? You want to suck on my fingers so you won’t be able to moan so much? Alright, come closer, you can put your hands in my hair. I get so hard when you tug on my hair when you’re going to cum… I’ll mess your mouth up with my fingers just like I’m going to mess you up inside here too, real soon. I can feel you getting looser, you want my cock, right? So sexy.”_

The frustrated Uchiha shot up into a sitting position; slamming his hands down on the mattress, breathing hard from how badly his fantasies were affecting him.

“EVEN IF I NEVER SLEEP AGAIN, I REFUSE TO DREAM ABOUT DRAGGING MY FINGERS THROUGH NARUTO’S HAIR WHILE HE FINGERS-FUCKS MY MOUTH, AND THRUSTS HIS COCK INTO ME -  OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL I’M CLOSE ENOUGH TO BEG FROM HOW MUCH I WANT HIM, HOW GOOD HE MAKES ME FEEL, HOW MUCH I LIKE HIM, AND HOW I WOULD HAPPILY DROWN IN HIS EYES!”

Sasuke immediately covered his mouth with his hands once more, but it was too late.

The words had already been said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Sasuke lol. 
> 
> And poor Sand delegation lmao. I am having way too much fun with y'all. Please kudos bookmark or subscribe if you enjoyed. 
> 
> Take care. ヽ(´▽｀)/


	6. Full Speed Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I am really sorry for the wait! I was suddenly inspired to write a one-shot titled, 'Chapter 700: Ascension of the Legendary Nanadaime Hokage, Uzumaki Naruto! - featuring a Naruto-centric epilogue to the series (and a realistic open ending, with no over-the-top relationships or shoehorning; just peace, fluff, a hint of revolution in the air, ramen, crude jokes, and logical character progression lol.) 
> 
> I'd be delighted if you took a look at it! Links below ~
> 
> But back to this story; for some reason it's taken me so long to actually bring Kurama in, even though he's so much fun and is in the title? Please wait just a little more! He'll be in next chapter for sure! I think im procrastinating it because its just so fun toying with Sasuke and the Sand Siblings, lololo. Don't want to stop writing fluffy cracky humor enough to get to the plot. (￣∀￣)
> 
> Just as well, I'd be thrilled if you could enjoy!!!

It didn’t take very long for Sasuke to _sprint_ to Konoha, moving so fast that civilians who inhabited neighbouring settlements could feel the vibrations of his speed rattling the silverware in their cabinets, the pictures on their walls and in one case, the water in a watering can.

“God damn it, the apocalypse again?” called an old farmer, sloshing his water all over himself as Sasuke zoomed through a particularly dense patch of foliage close to his wheat crops, “Is it just me, or does it feel like the number of threats on our lives have been exponentially increasing as of late?”

“Nah,” called Orochimaru, who had been ~~stealing~~ _collecting_ different types of life-prolonging mushrooms from the nearby fertile soil (for several years at that point), “That’s just Sasuke.”

The farmer shook his head, unconvinced, “But that’s what you said last time, and it was _still_ nearly the end of the world.”

Orochimaru just laughed until the Sasuke-related disturbances in the atmosphere were no more.

* * *

Sasuke nearly ran over the ninja by the front gates, who had been practically peeing their pants in terror at what the hell kind of angry-chakra-missile was approaching them in these peaceful times. Thankfully, Sakura (whose Sasuke-senses had began tingling a few minutes ago) entered the clearing and stopped him with an aggressive sidehug.

“Stop your gay panicking! You’re scaring children!” Sakura warned her friend, pointing at Konohomaru and Udon (who were very much not children anymore; in fact, both of them taller than her and Sasuke, but well, it would do. At least they looked appropriately surprised, if not scared).

“I am not panicking! And if I were panicking, it would not be in a gay way!... Anyways, where is Naruto? I’m going to chop his dick off for the _nerve_ he had to come into my dreams and try to have sex with me,” Sasuke gritted out, struggling against Sakura’s superior physical strength.

Sakura wanted to laugh, but she had to focus all of her strength on restraining Sasuke, who had began re-doubling his efforts to get free (and castrate his crush. Typical Sasuke).

At that moment, a young, petrified-looking teenager emerged from near the Konoha front gate and sneaked over to the two ninja. Sakura noted that he was very cute and small, and although he had several pairs of scissors and razors on him, he was about as intimidating as a chihuahua.

“Are you going to go see Uzumaki Naruto, the Hokage? I just received an official messenger bird from the Sunagakure embassy to Konoha requesting my immediate services,” the teen said, holding out a letter, “I just got here, but then… I think it felt like we were struck by a sudden earthquake so I went to go hide…?”

Sakura pointed to the young man with hearts in her eyes, “See? Your gay panicking scared this cute chihuahua!”

Sasuke used the momentary break in her attention to slip free.

(Konohamaru shook his head, whispering to Udon, “I think Sakura-nee-chan’s ovulating.”)

(Udon discretely nodded back, “Yeah. When Moegi ovulates, she starts saying that things like egg buns look cute, and gets sad when I eat them.”)

(“Word.”)

“…Uhm, thank you. But my name is Hazuki Sora, and I’m not a chihuaha. I’m a hairstylist! And I was called to give the Hokage-sama a haircut? According to this letter, he was… in an accident involving a madwoman using a combination of wind chakra and a blunt kunai knife to ruin his hair? I was told to meet him in, Room 45- _Aurgh!”_

The man was interrupted as Sasuke ran forward, scooped his form over his shoulder, and pulled the letter out of his hands to read himself.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take you there,” Sasuke said in a brooding tone that very much caused the young hairstylist to worry, before resuming his sprinting to what could only be the address on the page.

Sakura just sighed, watching Sasuke disappear into the horizon as he leaped from rooftop to rooftop, way too quickly for her to catch up to.

“If only he weren’t so fired up,” she mused, stretching out her back and walking away from the clearing, “Then maybe I could have told him to prepare himself for the literal affront to humanity that is Naruto’s new haricut… Lord only knows what he’s going to do to Temari for ruining Naruto’s beautiful hair now that he’s going in blind… Well, maybe Naruto’s sudden ugliness will tamper the severity of Sasuke’s gay panic…”

(Konohamaru and Udon shrugged at each other)

(“Word,” they said.)

* * *

After screaming his head off from the speed at which Sasuke ran to the room where he was supposed to meet his client at, Sora leant his forehead beside the designated room’s door.

“Didn’t, _uh_ , realize this, _hah_ , was such, _hah_ , an emergency requiring, _hah,_ speed?” he wheezed out.

Sasuke flushed.

Mumbling an apology, he told Sora to wait outside and catch his breathe, while he announced their presence.

He flung open the door without waiting.

Inside, there were four familiar faces; Kankurou had a protective arm slung around both the Hokage and Kazekage and was trying to drag them away from Temari, who was inching towards the three of them with a deranged look in her eye, screaming, “I CAN FIX THIS! LET ME AT NARUTO! GAARA TOO!”

Naruto himself was looking some mixture of amused and confused, trading looks with Gaara who had a similar expression.

Kankurou kept edging the younger men under his arms away, tucking them further under the folds of his cloak, “I won’t let you, Temari! You’ve gone too far! We just had Neji barge in here telling us that Hinata has fainted in the Hyuuga compound because she caught a look of Naruto’s haircut with her Byakugan!-”

“-WELL MAYBE THAT’LL DISCOURAGE HER FROM STALKING HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE! WOULD THAT SHIT EVEN BE LEGAL IF NARUTO WAS A GIRL?-”

“-No, it would be both illegal and universally condemned, and the only reason people think it’s cute is because of really fucked up gender norms and construc-, _That’s not the POINT!_ The point is how ugly Naruto’s hair had become to make a person faint! And what about Sakura? She came in here to ask about a hospital wing expansion, saw Naruto’s hair, and starting laughing so hard that she couldn’t even ask her question!”

“WELL LAUGHING IS GOOD CARDIO!”

“Do we want the Hokage’s haircut to be the cause of everyone laughing themselves into good abdominal health? What is he? A clown?”

“CLOWNS CAN BE HOT! LIKE THE _IT_ CLOWN”

“ASDDHKSFEFJIESFUSKEFSOE!”

At that, Sasuke re-focused his attention on Naruto instead of the heatedly-arguing older Sand Siblings, and stared at him for several long moments.

“Huh,” he said at long last.

Everyone in the room turned to look at him, with varying surprised expressions.

Sasuke, however, just fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've been writing a lot of Sasuke running these days; both in a comedic seeing, but a more serious one too? Well anyways, I'll get into why in due time. The next chapter is going to be so sugar-sweet you're going to squeal. Please look forward to it! 
> 
> Oh! And here's the link to the one-shot I was talking about earlier;  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/18201881
> 
> Also, I am sorry Hinata, but someone at some point needed to call you out on stalking your crush - even if you're a cute girl!


	7. Not Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hey Katie, what's a fourth wall?"  
> ...  
> I can't believe that after updating this story after so long, this is the content I bring you... If you would like rocks to throw at me, you can find them on the banks of the river that all of my tears have created. 
> 
> Just know that I love all of you very much, especially you @marvelstark39. I hope next year turns out according to plan, and tell your parents I'll find you a good man.
> 
> Please enjoy! <3

“Wait, Sasuke! Where are you going?” called Naruto, shaking out of Kankurou’s hold and bolting down the hallway.

Kankurou and Temari both shrugged at each other, but otherwise continued on with their struggle; the puppetteer more fully wrapping his arms around Gaara and drawing him away, as Temari continued advancing with her kunai held out in front of her.

Gaara, who was already having trouble hiding the fond smile that tugged at his lips from observing his two siblings having such a mundane and sibling-like battle, couldn’t help but burst into laughter when Naruto’s bright orange coat swished out of view to the echoed soundtrack of one frustrated Uchiha telling him to, “Get off my dick and stop following me!”

“Ah,” the Kazekage said, “If only it was _so easy_ to stop Naruto-kun from fantasizing about Sasuke’s dick…”

Temari and Kankurou tried to act like they hadn’t heard him to their level best (which meant them both blushing and looking at their feet).

From behind the thrown open door, a young stranger emeged before the Sand Siblings with a confused and frightened expression, “N-Nice to meet you. I am hairstylist, Hazuki Sora. Sasuke-san told me that he would announce our presence… But it seems like both he and the Hokage have left the scene without me… Although from the momentary glimpse I managed to catch, Naruto-sama’s hair did indeed seem disastrous,” he said, bowing to each of the adults before him.

At last, he looked up at the mangled atrocity that was Gaara’s hair, and felt sweat form at his temples.

Hazuki gulped and adjusted the belt of scissors and sprays around his waist.

It seems like he had his work cut out for himself…

* * *

Naruto zoomed and nyoomed after Sasuke through the busy streets of Konoha, calling out for the Uchiha and receiving curse words in return. However, neither Naruto nor anyone else in Konoha seemed to be rattled at all by this, and business went on as usual.

If anything, people were exasperated by how common and boring an event the scene before them was becoming.

“I wish I could lock both Naruto and Sasuke in a room… The kind of room from which they could only leave after they finally had sex with each other,” Anko said, holding a hand before her eyes to block the sand clouds that were forming all around them from the speed in which the two men were racing.

“If this story goes on any longer with no plot and meaningless shenanigan after shenanigan, you and I just may have to make that a reality and hike the damn rating up to ‘Explicit’,” joined in Ibiki, with no regard for law, order, or the consequences of breaking this story’s fourth wall.

As Naruto and Sasuke eventually migrated out of the village center to start making laps around the Forest of Death, Kurama finally snapped.

“ **Alright. That’s fucking _it!_ I’m coming out you pair of absolute dumbasses**,” he roared, forcing his red chakra through Naruto’s chakra circuits, and temporarily taking over his body.

Naruto just sighed.

(He was getting pretty used to Kurama possessing him when he was, as Kurama put it, ‘ **Acting a fool** ,’ and retreated to the back of his subconscious without protest to rest for a while.)

Naruto could feel himself pout like a toddler put in the timeout corner (a situation with which he had plenty of experience, actually), but couldn’t stop himself. What was Sasuke running away from this time?

Once Naruto’s blue eyes fully bled into the bright orange-red of the Kyuubi, Sasuke stopped running and turned around to face him properly. He knew that Kurama, unlike Naruto, would not hesitate to use some truly underhanded tactics to make Sasuke do what he wanted; like threaten to tattoo ‘I love Sasuke’ across Naruto’s back in bright pink katakana letters.

Kurama pulled an exasperated expression, and rolled his eyes.

“ **Sit** ,” he commanded, before dropping to the ground himself and folding his legs beneath him, “ **I’ve got some questions for you, kid.”**

Sasuke snorted at being called kid while in his early twenties, but came closer and copied the other’s position.

(To Sakura and Ino - who had been following the both of them since they knocked over a row of daisies at Yamanaka Flowers - they appeared like negotiating warlords from the old samurai era.)

“ **I know that you like to run, Sasuke** ,” started Kurama, with no prompt, “ **So I’m not going to ask you why you are running away from your feelings from Naruto, _yet again…_ Nor will I ask you what convoluted dumb ass shit goes on in your head to make you rationalize your dumbasssery. Frankly, I’m too old for this.**”

Sasuke bristled, “Okay… Then why are you here?” he probed.

Kurama sighed and threw his hands up, “ **Because you love this dumbass more than I imagined.** ”

Sasuke shot to his feet and made to leave in a panic, but Kurama manifested one of his chakra tails and wrapped it around his waist, forcing him to sick back down again. All the while, the fox shook his head like he was scolding a child – which, in a way, he was.

“ **Naruto’s pretty hot now, you should know… I keep telling his dumbass that there are many much more _suitable suitors_ that he could pursue, and yet, when he masturbates, he doesn’t think about that Hyuuga child with the large breasts and the stutter that’s so juvenile I find myself embarrassed on her behalf-,**” he informed Sasuke, who was trying his best to wiggle out of a too-strong grasp for the second time in as many hours, “- **He thinks about you… Your stupid hair. Your dumb smirking face. The planes of your too muscular, boob-less chest… The Uchiha works… But then again, Naruto’s big gay crush on you shouldn’t be news to anyone who has been reading Naruto or Naruto Shippudden. Do you know? He once told Sakura that you were way cooler and better looking than Sai?** ” he continued, pulling out a manga volume from inside Naruto’s Hokage coat, flipping through its pages, and pointing to a particular panel that was too faraway for Sasuke to read anyways, before poofing it away.

“It’s true,” Sakura confirmed, stepping out from the bushes, “He said that, and with no irony either, because-,”

“-Naruto doesn’t know what irony is, of course,” Ino finished, following Sakura and resting her chin on her shoulder.

“ **As always, the women are right,** ” Kurama agreed, nodding his head, “ **Naruto loves you… I’ve been trying to deny it for longer than I’d like to admit to myself.** ”

“Yeah fucking right…” Sasuke mumbled under his breathe, “That moron’s so pure he… just… loves everyone. Whether they’re trash or nice or whatever else inbetween. He’s just that kind of guy…”

Kurama nodded, “ **It’s true. But he doesn’t just love you, he’s in love with you. He wants to know you and have you for his own in a way he doesn’t even fully understand… And you do too. It was clear when you and him were bleeding out with one arm each and you asked him, _‘Why he would go so far for just a friend…’_ Hoping that he would tell you you love him, just like you do…**”

Sasuke tilted his head down, burying his words in the furry chakra of the tail still wrapped around him, “You have no proof that I love him…” he mumbled.

“Do you mean besides the wet dreams?” Ino asked, as Sakura giggled, “I did your psych eval last year, and it was clear as day that your neurological pleasure pathways were deeply interwoven with some fantastic blue eyes, sun-kissed skin, heart-warming grin-,”

“THOSE MEAN NOTHING,” Sasuke countered.

Kurama shrugged, “ **Maybe not… Naruto once had a wet dream about Kakashi afterall.** ”

“Oh…" Sasuke intoned, eyes flashing sharingan red, "He’s a dead man.”

“ **Kakashi? Or Naruto? Or maybe yourself for having dreams too?** ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your continued readership! I hope that you enjoyed yourself, and do consider to leave a comment, kudos, subscription or bookmark to share your support! : ) This story will be over within the next two to three chapters - so please stay tuned until the end! 
> 
> Poor Sasuke. I love you, but you can be so emotionally guarded sometimes, that I find myself becoming like Anko, lol. You're so lucky that Naruto is as stubborn as he is, while loving you so very much.
> 
> Take care until next time.


End file.
